Dad's Guide to Facebook

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Hey Dad! We were talking about Facebook tonight on the phone, so I decided to provide you with this handy Facebook usage guide. This will help you be all hip and trendy on The Facebook. First rule, drop the 'the', it's just Facebook. Second, note how short the 'wall' replies are. Everything on your wall can be seen by your friends, including replies from people you know and they don't. Don't bother figuring that last line out, just assume everything you see is public. For long messages, you should just send a message (menu on right under the mini Picasso pic). Oh, that reminds me, pic is picture. No one says picture anymore, due to the fact that it is > 1 syllable.

What kind of messages show up on your wall? Some are auto generated, and some are posted by friends. It is important to understand the types of messages that are expected / acceptable in the brave new world that is Facebook. Please refer to the above sample page, it is an actual page, altered only by the red, helpful and very legible, numbering system. The numbers can be matched to the numbers below for a complete Facebook posting guide.

1. Automatic: Look! A friend of mine, has a new friend! Heartwarming.
Your response: No comments or 'likes' are necessary. If you also know the new friend, and are not yet Facebook friends, then say hi and send a friend request! If you ever friend someone and find out you don't know them, you can un-friend them quietly. Surprisingly enough, Facebook figured out it's tacky to tell the world that you un-friended someone. They will tell/sell just about any other information you put on their site.

2. Friend Status Update: "I'm interested in the environment, blah blah blah"
Your response: You can 'like' this to show support. If you hate environmentalists or like smoking, no posting for you. You would be missing the point of Facebook. Posting long or overly argumentative replies will show that you are either crazy, old or maybe both. If you really feel like arguing, you should start a blog and post about the scandal that was created when you had to kick your Facebook friend out of your Rock Band.

3. Friend Status Updates: everybody likes ducklings
Your response: you can like this, or post a related comment. Good job Beth, excellent example. Truthfully this post should be the definition of Facebook. Facebook, in the end, really is the duckling butt of the web.

4. Friend Status Update: thanks everyone
Your response: you can post a related reply. Friends sometimes post on your wall, or in reply to a status update, to let you know some small vital piece of information. Like here, we find out a package is on the way. Nice!

5. Automatic: Philomena scared a bear! Wowzwer!
Your Response:No response or like needed. This is autogenerated from an annoying Facebook App. App is short for application (>1syl). Facebook apps should not be confused with iPad apps. iPad apps are cool.

6. Friend Comment: LOL even though this is not funny and I'm not Laughing Out Loud
Your Response: None required. This is more to let you know what LOL stands for, and that now people use it like like, or like we used to like use like when we were like younger. In other words, frequently. For awhile the simple smiley :) was popular, but that has been usurped by this as a more popular method of showing a comment is light hearted. I blame the elaborate 'emoticons' for this annoying new trend. LOL! LMAO is a variant of this and stands for Laughing My fAnny Off. ROTFLMAO, is the elaborate version of the saying meaning, Rolling On The Floor Laughing My fAnny Off. You also may see people posting WTF. This is to express confusion, outrage and the like. It, of course, stands for What The Fudge.

So, that is the ins and outs of posting. You have passed stage one! Good goin' ol' guy! Only a few more concepts to go!

I'm pretty sure you are familiar with the menus on the left, but do you know about the helpful info on the right. If it's a Facebook friend's birthday, it will tell you on the right, so you can post Happy Birthday on their wall. Also, it will help explain the loads of Happy Birthday messages you get on your birthday, or on some random day if you entered a bogus birthday into Facebook. Your Facebook friends aren't more organized or thoughtful then you, they just happened to log in and see the reminder. It's like they virtually care.

Sometimes Facebook uses the right hand side to suggest friends, or remind you about friends you haven't talked to in awhile. Just seeing the reminder will make you feel closer.

Facebook also uses their highly advanced algorithm to suggest interests. As number 7 shows in the above sample page, Facebook had cleverly determined that many people who like 'reading' also like contemporary r&b. They think, since I like reading, I might like this too! Clearly 'readers', much like Dr Who fans, come from such a small fringe group, their interests are likely to overlap.

So now you know Facebook helps you find friends you can talk about duck butts with, while also suggesting interests you have no interest in and allowing you to keep close to your friends and family without actually corresponding. Soon, you too will be saying 'Thank God for social networking!'

P.S. You are not allowed to post 'You're Welcome' as a comment. :^p

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:The Facebook on The inter-tubes