This weekend I went to a graduation, ate so much Indian food I thought I would die and watched the world cup. Yeah, the US lost, but still, I got to formulate my list of Minimum Required Soccer Changes that must be implemented if anyone ever wants soccer to seriously catch on in America.
Here is my list of Minimum Required Soccer Changes:
1. After getting 'injured' any player who sits or lays down on the field and makes no attempt to get up should get a yellow card.
Reason: This is just not how we roll in the US. In the US, when your bone sticks through your ankle, you keep playing. The press will film your bloody sock and you will be a hero. Unless you start talking politics. Injured players should get up, or at least make an honest attempt to get up. Any player who sits or lays down and does anything resembling a performance by Sarah Bernhardt should get a yellow card. Anyone laying randomly on the field should get a red card.
Exceptions: Unconscious players would be exempt from this rule
2. Refs should be forced to use instant replay 'technology'. These calls are so bad, even I can tell they're wrong. If there is a contentious call and a ref refuses to watch the replay, then each member of the audience should be given the option of kicking the ref at the end of the game.
Reason: No one in the US will take a game seriously when the calls are SO bad. Especially when Refs take away, and seem to not see, goals. In a game where getting one goal is average.
3. Refs in soccer should alternately be called umpires.
Reason: This one is just for my mom. But seriously the overlap with baseball could only help.
4. When the game stops, the clock should stop. Why can't you just stop the clock, world cup clock people? Do you not have stop watches in the rest of the world? Is the concept of pause really that hard to master? Are you scared of the new technology it would require?
Reason: Here in the US, adding random time to the end of the game goes against our basic sense of fairness. It has nothing to do with the fact that your apparently oh-so-trustworthy refs are the ones deciding that random amount of time. Honest.
After accomplishing all this , I then went home, hung out with friends and built a Lego party house. What is a Lego party house? Well, it's when you take your pitiful collection of remaining Legos (= all legos acquired in child hood - lost legos - legos mom gave away - legos that were eaten by the dog + legos you have received as stocking stuffers as an adult) and use them to build a house. Our houses often feature dog or camel heads on top and sometimes giant spiderwebs (thank you Harry Potter). This particular Lego house had two floors and a set of stairs down the back of the house. The stairs down the back of the house are completely ridiculous, I know. But the three year old kept asking how bob the builder was supposed to get downstairs. I said he could jump, but for some reason this was not acceptable. So he added stairs. Sometimes you just can't reason with a three year old. Anyway, in the end, there was only one word to describe the house. Awesome. Oh and THEN we watched the Doctor Who Finale. A perfect end to the day.
As if that wasn't enough fun for one weekend, I headed out to see Silent Sunday at Wilton Town Hall theater with my best friend from (some amount of unnamed years ago, let's use n) Shannon. It was Buster Keaton Silent Sunday, so Sherlock Jr. was followed by Go West. Sherlock Jr. was great. It was funny and clever and had cool special effects. The movie is about a guy who works at a movie theater and is studying to be a detective. He likes a girl, but gets framed for stealing a pocket watch by another guy and she turns him away. Did you catch all that? The other guy was totally a dirty rotten scoundrel. Luckily the smart girl figures it all out, while Buster is sleep-sleuthing his way through a movie that echos his life. It was really funny.
Then there was a short intermission featuring a dancing pig - it was kind of creepy. Then it was time for Go West. Go West is apparently a take off on a Charlie Chaplin film. I liked it, but not as much as I liked Sherlock Jr. It was funny, but I think you needed to see the Chaplin movie to get more of the jokes. There was one shot where they focused in on this random old guy. It felt like we should know him, but I had no clue who he was! Beth would have liked this film. Buster plays the roll of an incompetent cowboy who loves a brown cow and wants to save her from the slaughter house. Ah, animal activism 1925s style!
I forgot to fill out a comment card, if i had it would have said:
Music, brilliant, as always. More of the stuff like Sherlock Jr, less stuff like creepy dancing pigs with wolf teeth and sausage tongues. :)
Anyway, this summer is comedy summer - so check out silent Sunday at the Wilton Town Hall Theater, or risk being lame.
So, that was my fascinating weekend in a nutshell. Oh, and I stopped by A&E, and got Winter Spice tea and Madagascar Vanilla tea and Scottish Breakfast tea. Yum. A&E is so nice. And while I was there, I saw Jen's photos! They asked her to put up some of her photos and they are really lovely, so everyone (who can) should stop by and check them out! I especially like the blue heron.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
